Allyship Isn’t a Checklist - It’s a Practice
One of the most humbling lessons I’ve learned this past year is that allyship is not a one-time achievement. It is not a badge you earn or a title you claim. It is a practice. Ongoing. Relational. Grounded in humility.
Real allyship invites us to show up even when we don’t have the perfect words. It asks us to listen, to keep learning, to acknowledge when we’ve caused harm, and to return to the conversation with intention.
When I think back on the moments I’ve grown most as a parent and as an advocate, they are rarely the moments when I got it right. They are the ones where I paused. Asked better questions. Admitted when I didn’t know. Allowed myself to be changed by the connection that followed.
There is no single way to be a good ally. Allyship comes in many forms, and all of them matter.
Allyship Can Be Big and Small
Allyship doesn’t always look loud or public. Often, it is quiet. Personal. Sometimes it feels uncomfortable. Sometimes it feels joyful. And often, it is both.
It can look like:
Choosing inclusive language, even when it is new
Smiling at someone who looks different than you at the grocery store
Correcting someone gently when they misgender a person
Thanking a business for placing a Pride flag in their window
Listening to your child without rushing to respond
Shopping at a store that affirms LGBTQ+ customers
Interrupting a joke that crosses a line
These small moments may not feel revolutionary. They shape the environments we live in. They send signals of safety. They remind us that allyship is less about grand gestures and more about how we show up. Consistently. Compassionately. With care.
We are not the first to walk this path. In 1977, Harvey Milk became one of the first openly gay elected officials in the United States. He believed allyship required consistency, courage, and action. His words, “Hope will never be silent,” continue to inspire generations to speak up, especially when it feels difficult. His legacy reminds us that progress does not come from perfection. It comes from showing up with heart, again and again.
There is no checklist. There is only the ongoing invitation to return, to reflect, and to try again.
Try This:
The next time you feel unsure how to show up, pause and ask:
Am I coming from love or from fear?
Then take one small step that reflects your values, even if it feels imperfect.
Reflection Prompt:
Where in your life might progress matter more than perfection?
Action You Can Take Right Now:
Listen to this week’s episode: 3 Ways Perfectionism Derails the Practice of LGBTQ Allyship & How Parents Can Show Up With Courage
Choose one small way to practice allyship this week , in your home, your conversations, or your community
Share this post with someone who is learning alongside you
Interested in bringing this conversation to your workplace, school, or parent group? Reach out to start that dialogue
Keywords: how to be a good LGBTQ ally, LGBTQ allyship tips, everyday allyship, showing up for LGBTQ kids, progress over perfection parenting, Pride Month reflection, support LGBTQ+ loved ones, how to support LGBTQ youth, allyship is a practice, Heather Hester blog, parenting and advocacy blog